The photo is not mine but I love what it says. Thank you to the owner of the photograph. I found it in Facebook and borrowed it for this post.
So, ladies, to stalk or not to stalk? Or rather, to conduct intense research or not? Hmmm. Such a struggle 😉
EVERY GIRL IN A RELATIONSHIP IS SOME SORT OF A RESEARCHER
I am of the opinion that every girl in a relationship is some sort of a researcher. Same with girls contemplating being on a relationship with a certain someone. We all want to be on top of things. We don’t want to be the last to know. Any girl who says otherwise is lying. You can be the most secure woman on Earth(ling?) but you’ll still be curious nonetheless. Lack of curiosity means boredom or lack of care. Every girl has a Nancy Drew in her. The only thing that varies is how far we take that research. Some of us just check the Facebook accounts and/or tweets of our uh, special someone or crush. Some actually log in to the account of their boyfriends. Some go even farther than that.
When your boyfriend or potential boyfriend is an MD, all the more will a girl’s Nancy Drew side act up. An MD is exposed to guests of all colors, shapes and sizes. It’s not unlikely that an MD will be tempted to cheat on his partner. Hence, researching in this case could be a girlfriend’s defense mechanism.
HOW DEEP SHOULD YOU DIG?
I won’t lie to you. The girls who just want to have fun dug deep. Way deep. We’re Nancy Drew times three. There were times when Ella’s dialogue would be: “stalker much?” towards Jess and then to me: “you ruthless predator!” when my detective prowess reached heights. Ha-ha!
I have to admit at some point my detective work (mostly for Jess at the start but I later on branched out and just researched randomly for the fun of it) gave me my daily fix of soap-opera type program. It was very interesting for me.
Even for Jess and Ella, our ‘research’ was entertaining and informative. We would have been a lot more naive if not for our discoveries through our research. Information not readily available became ours. We were better for it. We didn’t always like what we discovered but we prefer to know the truth. Jess may have fallen for Ramon’s lies hook, line and sinker if not for our research.
Back to the question: how deep should you dig? As deep as necessary to obtain the missing pieces of the puzzle without hurting anyone.
The crucial part here is to know when to stop. You need to know when too much is too much before you turn into a full time madwoman obsessed with the lives of other people—-or particularly your MD boyfriend/prospect/ex and his guests/girlfriend(s)/wife/family members.
HOW TO STOP DIGGING
Here are a few questions I must ask:
1. Are you still able to perform your work adequately?
2. Do you still spend quality time with your family and friends?
3. How much time exactly do you clock in stalking your MD boyfriend in Facebook?
An answer of NO on either 1 or 2 and an answer of more than 30 minutes each day means it’s time to stop researching. Your MD boyfriend/ boyfriend material/ex is taking over your life and distracting you rather than inspiring you. If your answer to both numbers 1 and 2 is a NO and your answer to number is 3 is more than half an hour each day, it means STOP NOW. As in NOW. Get a grip on it, girlie. That’s easier said than done though.
Here are a few starter tips:
1. Block your MD prospect/ex boyfriend from your Facebook account. If you can’t see him you can’t research on his account(s). Simple enough.
2. Have your trusted friend change the password and security questions in your dummy Facebook account. Then tell your friend not to give you the new password. Same banana. If you don’t have access, you can’t research.
3. Stop logging into the FB account of your MD boyfriend if you have the password. If he gave you the password then he’ll keep the account devoid of any shenanigans—unless he’s utterly dumb. Wasting your time researching on his FB account that he’ll sanitize for your benefit is pointless. Besides, if you’re brave enough to enter into a full-blown relationship with an MD then I assume you’re brave, tough and all that.
4. Get busy, busy, busy outside work. Take up a new hobby like cooking lessons or something you’re interested in. Idle minds tend to ‘research’ more than busy ones.
5. Touch base with friends and family you’ve been ignoring because you’ve been too busy ‘researching’ about your MD prospect/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend.
Perhaps you created a different Facebook account or Twitter account and then became online friends with your MD’s girlfriend or wife? Well, if she added you voluntarily that’s okay. However, respect boundaries. Don’t start a fight or otherwise be anything less than classy towards the people in the life of your MD special someone. Keep it classy, okay?
Also, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want others to do unto you. Remember that, girly. No scaring others or threatening them or embarrassing them. That’s NOT cool.
As for your MD boyfriend/prospect/ex, don’t be an online stalker, okay? I remember how Liam had to block Ara and Ara’s relatives from his Facebook because Ara was messaging Liam non-stop and stalking him through the accounts of her relatives. If you recall, Liam trusted me enough to give me his password so I could increase his security settings then. Ladies, don’t be an Ara who had to be blocked by an MD from the latter’s account.
SO NOT PERFECT
Yes, I write the posts here and try to be helpful. I am far from perfect though. In fact most of the tips I write here are based on my own mistakes or on the mistakes of others as I witnessed them. I write about what I could have done better or handled differently, too.
Oh, and I am an intense researcher as well. Ha-ha. I’ll make a confession right here, right now. Yes, I already severed ties with Liam. However, I know for a fact that Liam hasn’t changed his password since he gave it to me months ago. I logged in to check recently. I immediately logged out after discovering the password still worked. No, I didn’t read any message or do anything in Liam’s account. However, the fact remains that I logged in. I guess curiosity got the best of me. I feel a tad guilty about it. I’m just like you, girls and guys. I really am.
RESEARCH IS KEY TO PROGRESS
Well, they always say that research is key to progress and that knowledge is power. Too much of something is bad enough though. So do keep your sanity and know when to stop researching. Most of all, let us live our own lives apart from the lives we may have in the gay bar or with an MD special someone. Keep your individuality and don’t let your life revolve around the gay bar.
Yes, stalking is a rather strong word. When you’re not hurting or offending the ‘subject’, then all you’re doing is intense research of an individual 😉