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Category Archives: Liam

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: Conveniently Yours

I know who you are but you don’t have a clue who I am.
I know where you’ve been and who you were with but you don’t know anything about me.
I’m just a stranger in your eyes. You have no clue that I know a lot about you.

Sounds familiar? Well, we intense researchers (really?) often encounter such a scenario. We may run into a person we’ve done intensive researches on because of his or her connection to an MD we know. The other person wouldn’t have a clue as to who we are but my, my, we sure know a lot about him or her.

I just had a similar experience. I was at work. I was all serious and work-mode (uh-huh) when hunger made me realize it was time to eat. Off I went to a nearby convenience store to grab some chow. I was lost in thought as I neared the entrance to the convenience store. Suddenly I was face to face with the person exiting the store at the exact time I was entering the same. It was not just some random person. It was a very familiar face. It was Keith’s former gay benefactor. Gulp.

Thankfully, Keith’s gay benefactor whom we shall call Fred from hereon had no idea who I was. We were never in Earthling at the same time. Neither does Keith have a picture of him and myself together nor a picture of me. In fact I only knew about Fred from Pipay and other sources. The girls and I managed to track down Fred in social networking sites and other search engines. It was through there that I discovered that Keith’s former job near my workplace was in Fred’s company.

Fred and I exchanged glances since we were right in each other’s faces but then we headed our separate ways. Fred went back to his office, I suppose. I went inside the convenience store to buy my food though I had little appetite then. I actually had half a mind to tail Fred and shadow him so I can see where he was going. I was fairly certain I could have pulled that off. I was in my walking shoes and feeling limber, lithe and speedy. I also knew the area was big enough to make me inconspicuous should I feel the need to be so.

I didn’t tail Fred though. What’s the point? He’s done with Keith. I have no interest in Keith. I know where Fred’s office was anyway. More so I didn’t want to alert him about my existence nor for Fred to remember my face.

I immediately told my girls about the Fred incident. Funny it should happen exactly one year after Ara messaged me to ask who Liam was to me. What was that date anyway? Ghosts from MDs past cross Andrina’s path day?

It was not fun to run into a familiar face from the gay bar when I was in my work mode. To think it was a person who didn’t know who I was that I ran into. More so I suppose if it was Keith himself I ran into. Thank goodness I never ran into Keith when he was working in Fred’s office. I suppose I could have handled the same just fine but it definitely wouldn’t be fun.

Girls, I share this with you to remind you that our past is very much connected to our present. Remember that all the time and always be alert. Be prepared for any scenario.

Will that chance encounter be the last I’ll see of Fred live? I don’t know. But I definitely will keep my eyes open even during breaks when I head for the convenience store. Better safe than sorry.

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: GB MERRY-GO-ROUND

Para lang mga Kapamilya, Kapuso at Kapatid ang mga MD at FM na ‘yan! Mga palipat-lipat!

Or kung mahilig ka sa pulitika, isipin mo na para lang silang mga politikong palipat-lipat ng partido!

IT’S A SMALL WORLD

The GB industry is not unlike showbiz and politics: it’s a small world.

Those in one bar tonight can be in another bar by next week and yet another bar by next month. It shouldn’t surprise you either if by the same time next year he’s back in the bar where you first saw him. They just go round and round in circles.

Unlike TV stars, there are more than three bars to choose from. There are a good number of bars in various parts of Quezon City and then there a good number of bars in the south as well. There are a good number of options for a gyrating Juan de la Cruz.

The people of interest to the girls who just want to have fun

Ethan, the MD I saw in Good Boy, has been to a good number of bars since Good Boy folded. In fact, Ethan even worked in Earthling for a while. Whattasmallworld!

Liam used to work for Hottie. Whenever he would get suspended for one of his misdeeds, Liam will report for work in Earthling. When Liam was suspended a third time in Hottie, he transferred to Earthling for good. Hows’ that for GB allegiance?

Banjo, Jackson and Sylvester have been around. They’ve worked in the far north, in the middle north and down south of Metro Manila. They’ve worked for popular bars in the early 2000s that have already closed. Indeed they’re used to the merry-go-round.

Even young Aaron has worked for two gay bars by the time he reached 18 years old. Yes, he was an underage ‘model’ in his first bar.

A good number of MDs came from hosto bars or otherwise worked as GROs in another gay bar before turning into a fully pledged MD. Karl’s Bimby was one of those ‘converts’.

Lito has worked for a bar that already closed long ago. He, Colby and Ramon were working in Earthling when the girls and I first saw them. Then the three of them transferred to Milky Way. Then they tried their luck in Saturn. Then they gave Hot Stuff a go. Any day now Lito is scheduled to try his luck in yet another bar whereas Colby is back in Earthling while Ramon is M.I.A. and supposedly seeing guests on the sly. Whew. Good thing I’m good at keeping track of things.

DO NOT BURN BRIDGES

I don’t know if MDs and FMs realize how important it is not to burn bridges. The door they might be walking out of tonight might be the same door they’ll be knocking on months from now if their supposed greener pastures don’t pan out.

LOYALTY WHO?

Loyalty to a gay bar is not a trait most MDs would observe. It’s perfectly acceptable for MDs to hop from one bar to another and then return to their original bar. I estimate that an MD can have several merry-go-round cycles in his entire career as an MD. If it’s a long career such as Banjo’s or Jacksons’s that has already spanned a decade then more cycles are to be expected. Same goes for FMs.

When Karl and I saw familiar faces in Saturn, we weren’t that surprised. It’s all part of the merry-go-round.

Indeed there are no permanent friends and no permanent enemies, only permanent interests. As I’ve written many times: all is fair in love, war and in the gay bar! 😉

 

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: Welcome, Love Month!

The first week of February was certainly not boring. Not for me, not for the girls and not for Karl. That’s how love month entered for us. As for our lives as gay bar guests, what gives? Well, you already know about Karl’s plight when he went to give Bimby a gift (with Bimby’s consent) only for Bimby not to even find a minute to get the gift personally and thank Karl. Bad Bimby. Bad, bad Bimby!

On the same night, Pipay was the one who received Karl’s gift for Bimby. Pipay also told Karl that he, Pipay, wanted an audience with Karl and myself to seek our advice about something he’s going through. Karl attested that Pipay really looked problematic and distraught. Karl immediately told me about Pipay’s request and I agreed to meet Pipay with Karl for coffee later that week.

Tardy Needy

I don’t know if it’s just me but when I’m the one who requests an audience with someone, I make it a point to be on time. Pipay was tardy that night. We were sending SMS to each other since early on but Pipay left home late. Pipay then went on to complain about traffic. Oh well.

Better than watching ENews

Talking to Pipay was better than watchig ENews or The Buzz. So much information (gossip) escaped from his lips that even Jess was amazed that I managed to remember them all. Of course I immediately told Ella and Jess all that Karl and I learned from Pipay. Here are some that I can tell you:

Red is really quite a liar. He apparently lied to us girls and Karl the last time we saw him over who really helped him when he was severely penalized for his dismal showing at a recent big event in the gay bar.

Oh, and Red has not only been caught by a guest-benefactor doing the deed once but twice (that we know of). One was with someone not his girl but that of another MD. Oh, and Red is (was?) also in a relationship with a married woman. What?! Red, Red. You’re really quite something.

Liam and Chloe are over. Wny? Because Chloe can no longer afford Liam’s requests. The latest one was for Chloe to buy Liam a car. Previous gifts given by Chloe include an expensive pendant, ring and bracelet. The gifts Chloe gave Liam are probably in the one hundred thousand pesos range if we will add ’em all up. Hmmm. No wonder Liam would rather do his ‘job’ rather than use his college course to earn a living. It’s sad to find out these things though.

As for Chloe, Pipay told me that Chloe definitely made the most of his, um, ‘investment’ in Liam. Chloe got his money’s worth from Liam. Good for Chloe. It would have been even more sad if Chloe didn’t after all that he has spent on Liam. Knowing Liam, he sees Chloe the same way he sees Ara and Demi: ATM machines.

A lot of floor managers (FMs) have been head over heels with MDs. Some even go as far as buying groceries for the MD’s family and befriending their wives. One even used to buy a Jollibee burger for the MD’s kid. Love, love, love.

Most of the other information we gathered have to do with Bimby and Bimby’s relationships with two FMs. Karl was shocked to find out that Bimby has actually lived in with an FM and still occasionally spends the night at the house of one. Karl felt disgusted when Pipay admitted the said stuff.

PIPAY’S DILEMMA

Pipay’s dilemma was whether to stay in the gay bar he currently works for or to move to another one which could be his greener pastures. Pipay got an offer that could definitely work out for him in the long run. Pipay though has never really been much of a risk-taker neither is he ambitious. He prefers to live simply and do what he knows best: being a floor manager.

Karl and I each gave Pipay advice. We emphasized that Pipay should talk to the owners of his current work place if he decides to leave. We told Pipay how important it is to give the owners some courtesy especially since the gay bar industry is small. We never know when Pipay will need to work for his current employers again should his new job (assuming he takes the offer) doesn’t work out. It’s best not to burn bridges.

FM: Not a job to be proud of?

I understand when MDs prefer not to tell people they meet outside the bar that they work as macho dancers. Apparently Pipay is not proud of being a floor manager as well. Pipay told Karl and me that he doesn’t tell others he works as an FM. He’d rather claim to be jobless and depending on his relatives rather than admit that he’s an FM.

Pipay also told us that he has a good number of good looking young men as friends outside the bar. Pipay denied that he helps these young men find, um, ‘clients’. “Bugaw na nga sa loob pati ba naman sa labas?” (Pimp inside the bar and outside?) was Pipay’s dialogue.

I was a little surprised. I never really thought of Pipay as a pimp. Nor did I ever generalize that FMs are pimps. I guess some people do though.

ONLY THE START

Love month has only started. I wonder what the rest of the month has in stored for the girls who just want to have fun, Karl and our people of interest? Stay tuned.

 

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: OTHER GB REGULARS AS FRIENDS OR FOES (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1

When did my affinity switch? When did I feel more compassion for the other gay bar guests? Well, precisely when I can say that I have distanced myself from the Andrina who’s a gay bar guest herself.

Actually, it’s not difficult to feel friendly towards other gay bar regulars who table MDs other than your own regular(s). But to feel friendly genuinely towards other guests who table your regular is another story. That requires objectivity.

A gay bar guest can objectively see things only when he or she himself/herself is no longer interested in a particular MD who earned him/her gay bar ‘foes’ or is simply no longer interested in the gay bar scene. As often said, it’s different from outside looking in. The view is different when seen from inside looking out.


A WAVE OF COMPASSION FOR DEMI

I didn’t expect to feel a wave of compassion for Demi when I realized that she really loves Liam. It’s not sex (or not just sex) she’s after. Neither is making Liam a trophy boy toy her agenda. Of all of Liam’s regulars in the gay bar, Demi is the one I peg as Liam’s molave tree. She’ll probably be there for him when Liam is fat, frumpy and no longer the popular MD he is right now.

When I was able to put two and two together to realize that it was Demi’s celebration months back that Liam was physically attending while still texting me every few minutes or so, I felt guilty. Liam was physically with Demi then but his attention was with me. Liam is not that quick-witted to multitask effectively, mind you. The fact that he was constantly messaging me and keeping up a text conversation meant his time with Demi then was less than quality time. Sorry, Demi. I truly mean that.

Demi is the one I can see myself befriending of all of Liam’s ‘fans’. However, I hope Demi will be able to find a good man who will love her who she is and not for her purse. Sad to say but Liam isn’t that person. Liam loves himself most. And I know for a fact he sees Demi as an ATM machine. I do hope that Demi finds a good man or that Liam turns into a good man who will see how much Demi cares for him for real.


ARCHITECT LYDIA

Architect Lydia is another gay bar guest I see as a friend. I don’t think she wanted sex and only sex from Lawrence. Her efforts to lug heavy foodstuff during Lawrence’s birthday and her sadness over the MD’s sudden vanishing act seems to prove me right.

Architect Lydia is probably a lonely woman who somehow loved Lawrence for real. It’s much easier to see Architect Lydia as a friend though because the girls and I were never interested in Lawrence.


JOJO AND JOSIE

Jess and I would not mind befriending Jojo and Josie now. I just don’t think Josie would welcome it. Ha-ha! But if the chance arises, why not? 🙂

STILL NON-FRIENDS

There are still other GB regulars I prefer to distance myself from. Ara is one. Her jealous stance and suspicious ways bother me. Plus the fact that she wants to ‘exterminate’ perceived rivals in any possible way.

Nanette is another gay bar regular I wouldn’t want to be friends with. I’d rather keep her at several arms length.

Petra? Please. I hope the girls and I never run into her again. EVER.

Well, I’ve learned never to close my doors to anything or anyone. If I ever do blog about seeing other sides to Ara, Nanette and Petra then that would mean I’ve grown all the more and evolved even more. That would be great material for this blog. 🙂 For now though, I’d really keep these women as non-friends.


CURIOUS ABOUT KARL’S THOUGHTS

As I write about this, I can’t help but think about my good friend Karl. Karl is in love with Bimby, a fast rising MD. I know that Karl sees a good number of other gay bar regulars and gay bar workers as rivals over Bimby. I wonder if Karl has already reached the stage when he feels compassion for other gay bar regulars who fell for Bimby? Is Karl now able to see things from outside looking in? Or is he still stuck in the view from inside looking out?

SEEING THINGS CLEARLY

I’m glad I see things far more clearly nowadays. The fact that I see other regulars not as foes or rivals but as other men/women who want to have a good time or who just want to be slightly less lonely says a lot about my journey as a gay bar regular.

I suppose I can say that I have grown. I no longer see the gay bar as a scary place. I see it more as a lonely place once the lights are gone and the music silenced.

And yes, there are guests who fall in love for real. There are those who take the MD into their real lives and open their homes to them.

TIPS TO AVOID GAY BAR FOES

Since this blog is all about sharing and empowering gay bar guests or wanna be gay bar guests, then I have to share what I can with you.

1. Observe good manners

Yes, dearies, even in gay bars it pays to observe good manners. Don’t be rude to others in the bar and don’t try to get ahead. If your preferred MD is already tabled then wait your turn or get someone else instead. If you had prior reservations but your MD was still allowed to sit with someone else, talk to the FM calmly and assert your rights politely. Kindness pays off. Really.

2. Stay classy

Even if other guests are rude to you, don’t stoop down to their level. Stay calm and act dignified at all times.

3. Drink moderately

Don’t let alcohol color your perceptions or affect your behavior. Don’t drink on an empty stomach and never drink more than you can handle.

4. GIVE OTHERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

When in doubt, give others the benefit of the doubt. Being a hag wouldn’t get you far anywhere.

GB regulars don’t have to be foes or rivals for attention. If it’s sex they want from the same MD, there’s plenty of that to go around. If it’s love, well, it cannot be truly bought anyway so no sense fighting over that. If it’s time and affection…ah well…let the MD make the choice himself. A smart MD will pick everyone but let them all think that they were the exclusive choice.

Keep your eyes open at all times and expect the unexpected.

Remember, ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE, WAR AND IN THE GAY BAR! 😉

 

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: OTHER GB REGULARS AS FRIENDS OR FOES (Part 1)

It cannot be helped that gay bar regulars are often pitted against each other. Especially when two regulars table the same MD. Some form of a love triangle ensues. Think No Other Woman. Who’s more beautiful? Who’s richer? Who gives more drinks to the MD? Who gives a bigger tip? Who does the MD prefer? It’s a race of all sorts. Oh well. All is fair in love, war and in the gay bar. Ha-ha! I love how that sounds. Let me repeat it again: “ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE, WAR AND IN THE GAY BAR!

FOE

As (former) gay bar regulars, the girls and I had our own versions of ‘foes’. No, we never fought with any other guests but we knew that other guests fancied the MDs that became staples in our long, long table. Let me give you a brief rundown.

ELLA

Ella knew that Carlo had his girlfriend Ella (the bar girl with kids from a foreign national who was Carlo’s gay bar guest before she became his girlfriend). Ella vs. Ella is one kind of a ‘foe’ relationship in the loose sense. No, sorry to disappoint those who have not read this blog faithfully, but there never was any confrontation between the two Ellas.

Carlo also had Nanette as a regular and a potential (if not actual) benefactor before our Ella entered the picture. Our Ella contemplated several Ella vs. Nanette foe scenarios for a while.

JESS

Red had a good number of regulars during the time Jess was giving him drinks in Earthling. One of Red’s then regular was a jealous matron who would often look at Red and Jess while waiting for Red to transfer to her couch. Jess was ever ready to give Red away then but it was Red who took his sweet time drinking his juice before transferring to his waiting guest.

As for Ramon, well, ha-ha! Jess was rich in ‘foe’ scenarios definitely. Ella warned Jess before to be careful especially when we didn’t know what Janet was capable of and yet we knew that Janet (Ramon’s then pregnant live-in girlfriend) had eyes and ears in the bar.

ANDRINA

There was a time when Jess and I would drop by Earthling for an hour or so and then hightail it. We would be giving Ramon and Keith 2 drinks or so only then leave. Little did we know that after we leave, Ramon’s special gay friend (Jojo) and Jojo’s lady friend/workmate (Josie) would arrive in Earthling to give Ramon and Keith drinks. Ramon and Keith’s tandem as partners in crime was solidified since they had their funny little secret. Jess and Andrina would arrive while Jojo and Josie were waiting at some drinking place nearby. Ramon would give Jojo and Josie the go-signal after we leave and they would arrive to make Ramon and Keith even richer in drinks and tips. Buy one take one with Ramon and Keith? Or were they really quite the package deal?

Seriously, Jess saw Jojo as a rival for the longest time. There was a time when we went to Earthling purposely because we knew Jojo was planning to be there. No, Jess and Jojo were never in Earthling at the same time though. No drama.

As for Keith, I knew he had other regulars when he was in Earthling. Keith was quite popular during his time. However, Keith has been consistent in saying (and showing) that he prefers to join me whenever I’m in Earthling. In our table nobody harasses him or touches him inappropriately. More so, as he himself said: “he can be himself” and not have to work hard to pretend to like the guest or feign interest. Keith was requested by other guests several times when he was already in our table. I don’t know if anyone resented me for those times when other guests weren’t able to have Keith as their MD because he chose to stay with me and the girls.

Did I resent Josie? Initially, yes. It annoyed me that Ramon and Keith had their funny little secret at Jess’s and my expense.

SCARY GB GUESTS

Yes, the girls and I have had our run-ins with scary GB guests. Petra during the Ides of March trip is the example most prominent in this blog. Ella was ready to take on Petra one on one then. Jess was ready to shove Red to Petra. I was constantly touching my taser and eying where the guard is.

Apart from physical violence in the bar itself, there are other notions of scary GB guests especially given the ‘foe’ context we are discussing here.

ARA a.k.a. THE JEALOUS STALKER

Ara was a former regular/benefactor of Liam. As I’ve said before, Ara has college-age children from a previous marriage. Ara is also the jealous type. No, that’s putting it mildly. Ara is the STALKER type.

I remember when she messaged me in July asking who I was and what my relationship to Liam was. What?! Liam handled that quite well, thankfully, and managed to get Ara off my back. Ara became the benefactor of another (and later on another) MD from a different bar after Liam called it quits with her but she kept her jealous ways. I know for a fact that Ara still monitors (or does her best to do so) each every move of her new MD love. She even expressly stated that her rivals should all be exterminated. WHAT?!

People like Ara who goes around slapping other guests (remember the story that Ara had a slapping incident with Demi, another of Liam’s regulars?) position themselves as foes to other gay bar goers.

DEMI a.k.a. the crazy in love

Well, there’s Ara. And then there’s Demi. Demi is another matron with a teen-age child from a previous relationship. Between the two, Demi for me is less scary. Demi seems to have breeding whereas Ara is totally bereft of it. Demi and Ara got into a slapping incident precisely because Demi asserted her right as Liam’s guest when Ara tried to intrude. Demi told Ara that the latter should respect the former since it was she, Demi, who was Liam’s guest that night. Demi reminded Ara that she, Demi, never even looks their way when Liam is with Ara in Earthling. For Ara to pull Liam aside without even saying ‘excuse me’ to Demi that night was indeed rather rude.

I was initially very scared of Demi as well, mind you. Especially since I knew Demi was way bigger than Ara. Demi plus Ara seemed too much to take on. I was glad the girls and I were not frequenting Earthling during the time Ara messaged me about Liam and after I learned that Ara and Demi got into a slapping incident.

WHAT’S THERE TO FIGHT ABOUT?

Well, there’s the MD and the MD’s time and attention. No, it’s not the MD’s “love’ that’s there to fight about. Please. Love is never for sale. Love can never be bought. To think that the MD would love you after buying him six drinks and giving him a tip is a big illusion. Only the time and attention of the MD are there to fight about.

What about the MD’s commitment? Ha-ha! I doubt it. What’s there to prevent the MD from having six or more bfs/gfs? The MD will just lie and tell each of the six or more bfs/gfs that they are the only ones for him. A crafty MD will not easily be discovered as a liar. It could take months or even years before the craft MD is unmasked as a six-timer or worse.

FOE OVER NOTHING

Bottom line is that gay bar regulars are really foes over nothing. The MD is after money. It’s very rare if at all the MD falls for a guest. And chances are it’s still remotely related to money somehow. Even Carlo and his girlfriend Ella’s relationship is still money-centered. Ella finances Carlo’s ventures.

How and when does a gay bar foe turn into a friend of some sort if at all? Well, that’s for Part2.

To be continued….

 

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: My post-operative transsexual friend Nikki

I made friends with a post-operative transsexual recently. Let’s call her Nikki in this blog. Nikki is based abroad and she’s head over heels in love with an MD.

NIKKI’S TALE

Nikki’s sex reassignment surgery took place almost a decade ago. She underwent the surgery abroad. Nikki has been living as a female ever since. She told me even her birth certificate in the Philippines now reflects her gender as female.

Nikki is curvy. Her body is like that of a female indeed. Even her features are feminine. Ella says Nikki is not pretty up-close. Still, Nikki is feminine looking. I sometimes tease her that her aura resembles that of Gretchen Barretto’s.

My new friend says her features have always been feminine looking even when she was a child. Nikki really saved up for her sex reassignment surgery.

LOVE WOES

Nikki told me she’s suffered a string of heartbreaks in the past. She said she was always taken advantage of by her ex-boyfriends who ended up using her for material gain.

Now Nikki is in love with an MD who is doing pretty much the same to her. Nikki knows the guy has a wife and kids. Nikki’s mind knows what she should do but the heart wants what it wants.

Nikki admits that her present MD love is different from her ex-boyfriends physically. She further claims it was love at first sight for her. Nikki had a different MD with her for two nights in the gay bar. The MD with her was good looking and popular. Then Nikki saw her MD love and it was just magic. There has been no looking back ever since.


A GOOD GIRL

Nikki is unlike Nanette or Ara. She’s not after sex. She’s happy just talking with her MD love over skype. A text now and then, chatting here and there. Nikki is not a man-eater.

Nikki admits that it was her MD love who initiated sex each time and it was never her. Nikki also doesn’t change boyfriends as though she’s just changing clothes. Nikki is after companionship and a lasting relationship more than anything else.

NIKKI GETS REALISTIC

Nikki admitted she knows that an MD, especially a young single one, will eventually look for a ‘real girl’ who could give him a biological child. Nikki said she knows that her time with her MD love is but borrowed time. She said she doesn’t see herself growing old with her MD love.

Nikki told me not to pity her. I told her I don’t. I really don’t. Yes, I’m a little sad for her and over the reality of it all. But I don’t pity Nikki. I admire her.

As Nikki said: “Hindi ako pa-girl. Yung iba diyan naoperahan lang akala nila tinubuan na rin sila ng matres.” (I don’t act girly. Others think that just because they underwent sex reassignment surgery they already got a uterus)

NO MONEY NO HONEY

I told Nikki Jessica’s suggestion that she, Nikki, stays in her relationship with her married MD love but doesn’t give him a single centavo. It can just be all about a relationship. Nikki told me that’s not possible. Nikki knows that money is part of the equation especially for “people like her”. By “people like her” Nikki means gays and transsexuals (post-op or otherwise).

Nikki’s eyes are wide open. She knows what her MD love primarily wants from her: money.

LIAR LIAR

Nikki doesn’t know if she can trust her MD love. She knows he feeds her lies day in and day out. Nikki says she doesn’t know anymore when her MD love is lying or telling the truth.

SIMILARITIES WITH NIKKI

Can you see yourself in the same boat as Nikki?

The girls and I were born females but still we can identify with Nikki. Ella herself said half a year ago that Carlo has great financial needs that she, Ella, cannot support. Jess herself admits that Ramon was primarily after money. Even I was worried before that Liam stands to lose money he gets from Ara the more time he spent communicating with me. We all knew that with MDs it’s somehow related to money still even though we were born biological females.

Nikki also knows she should not cause the break-up of her MD love and his wife. Nikki knows that there are children involved. I remember how Jess felt that she shouldn’t be in the picture because Ramon and Janet were expecting their first child together. Also how Ella lost all desire to pursue Carlo when she found out he was in a serious relationship with his Ella. None of us—girl, boy, gay,—- wants to be the third party who causes families to deteriorate and ruins relationships. Who wants the blood in their hands?

As for the lies, well. Who wants to be lied to? More so if it’s from the get-go and all the time.

NIKKI’S CONFUSION

Nikki is unable to let go as of now. Her heart is prevailing over what she knows she should do. Her goal is to be able to let go of her MD love and let him be with his family. But then again, if it’s not Nikki it might just be another transsexual, gay, or woman that the MD will be with.

I hope Nikki will be able to make the right choice—right for herself, her MD love and all those involved. Indeed love knows no gender, race, age.

 

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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: Intense Research or Stalking? (Special Topics 32)

The photo is not mine but I love what it says. Thank you to the owner of the photograph. I found it in Facebook and borrowed it for this post.

So, ladies, to stalk or not to stalk? Or rather, to conduct intense research or not? Hmmm. Such a struggle 😉


EVERY GIRL IN A RELATIONSHIP IS SOME SORT OF A RESEARCHER

I am of the opinion that every girl in a relationship is some sort of a researcher. Same with girls contemplating being on a relationship with a certain someone. We all want to be on top of things. We don’t want to be the last to know. Any girl who says otherwise is lying. You can be the most secure woman on Earth(ling?) but you’ll still be curious nonetheless. Lack of curiosity means boredom or lack of care. Every girl has a Nancy Drew in her. The only thing that varies is how far we take that research. Some of us just check the Facebook accounts and/or tweets of our uh, special someone or crush. Some actually log in to the account of their boyfriends. Some go even farther than that.

When your boyfriend or potential boyfriend is an MD, all the more will a girl’s Nancy Drew side act up. An MD is exposed to guests of all colors, shapes and sizes. It’s not unlikely that an MD will be tempted to cheat on his partner. Hence, researching in this case could be a girlfriend’s defense mechanism.

HOW DEEP SHOULD YOU DIG?

I won’t lie to you. The girls who just want to have fun dug deep. Way deep. We’re Nancy Drew times three. There were times when Ella’s dialogue would be: “stalker much?” towards Jess and then to me: “you ruthless predator!” when my detective prowess reached heights. Ha-ha!

I have to admit at some point my detective work (mostly for Jess at the start but I later on branched out and just researched randomly for the fun of it) gave me my daily fix of soap-opera type program. It was very interesting for me.

Even for Jess and Ella, our ‘research’ was entertaining and informative. We would have been a lot more naive if not for our discoveries through our research. Information not readily available became ours. We were better for it. We didn’t always like what we discovered but we prefer to know the truth. Jess may have fallen for Ramon’s lies hook, line and sinker if not for our research.

Back to the question: how deep should you dig? As deep as necessary to obtain the missing pieces of the puzzle without hurting anyone.

The crucial part here is to know when to stop. You need to know when too much is too much before you turn into a full time madwoman obsessed with the lives of other people—-or particularly your MD boyfriend/prospect/ex and his guests/girlfriend(s)/wife/family members.

HOW TO STOP DIGGING

Here are a few questions I must ask:

1. Are you still able to perform your work adequately?
2. Do you still spend quality time with your family and friends?
3. How much time exactly do you clock in stalking your MD boyfriend in Facebook?

An answer of NO on either 1 or 2 and an answer of more than 30 minutes each day means it’s time to stop researching. Your MD boyfriend/ boyfriend material/ex is taking over your life and distracting you rather than inspiring you. If your answer to both numbers 1 and 2 is a NO and your answer to number is 3 is more than half an hour each day, it means STOP NOW. As in NOW. Get a grip on it, girlie. That’s easier said than done though.

Here are a few starter tips:

1. Block your MD prospect/ex boyfriend from your Facebook account. If you can’t see him you can’t research on his account(s). Simple enough.

2. Have your trusted friend change the password and security questions in your dummy Facebook account. Then tell your friend not to give you the new password. Same banana. If you don’t have access, you can’t research.

3. Stop logging into the FB account of your MD boyfriend if you have the password. If he gave you the password then he’ll keep the account devoid of any shenanigans—unless he’s utterly dumb. Wasting your time researching on his FB account that he’ll sanitize for your benefit is pointless. Besides, if you’re brave enough to enter into a full-blown relationship with an MD then I assume you’re brave, tough and all that.

4. Get busy, busy, busy outside work. Take up a new hobby like cooking lessons or something you’re interested in. Idle minds tend to ‘research’ more than busy ones.

5. Touch base with friends and family you’ve been ignoring because you’ve been too busy ‘researching’ about your MD prospect/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend.

KEEPING BOUNDARIES

Perhaps you created a different Facebook account or Twitter account and then became online friends with your MD’s girlfriend or wife? Well, if she added you voluntarily that’s okay. However, respect boundaries. Don’t start a fight or otherwise be anything less than classy towards the people in the life of your MD special someone. Keep it classy, okay?

Also, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want others to do unto you. Remember that, girly. No scaring others or threatening them or embarrassing them. That’s NOT cool.

As for your MD boyfriend/prospect/ex, don’t be an online stalker, okay? I remember how Liam had to block Ara and Ara’s relatives from his Facebook because Ara was messaging Liam non-stop and stalking him through the accounts of her relatives. If you recall, Liam trusted me enough to give me his password so I could increase his security settings then. Ladies, don’t be an Ara who had to be blocked by an MD from the latter’s account.

SO NOT PERFECT

Yes, I write the posts here and try to be helpful. I am far from perfect though. In fact most of the tips I write here are based on my own mistakes or on the mistakes of others as I witnessed them. I write about what I could have done better or handled differently, too.

Oh, and I am an intense researcher as well. Ha-ha. I’ll make a confession right here, right now. Yes, I already severed ties with Liam. However, I know for a fact that Liam hasn’t changed his password since he gave it to me months ago. I logged in to check recently. I immediately logged out after discovering the password still worked. No, I didn’t read any message or do anything in Liam’s account. However, the fact remains that I logged in. I guess curiosity got the best of me. I feel a tad guilty about it. I’m just like you, girls and guys. I really am.

RESEARCH IS KEY TO PROGRESS

Well, they always say that research is key to progress and that knowledge is power. Too much of something is bad enough though. So do keep your sanity and know when to stop researching. Most of all, let us live our own lives apart from the lives we may have in the gay bar or with an MD special someone. Keep your individuality and don’t let your life revolve around the gay bar.

Yes, stalking is a rather strong word. When you’re not hurting or offending the ‘subject’, then all you’re doing is intense research of an individual 😉

 

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