If only a gay bar hotline exists. Dial 8-GAYBAR as a one-stop shop?! Interesting thought. 😉
A recorded greeting will answer the call:
Thank you for calling 8-GAYBAR.
If you want instructions in English please press 1
If you want instructions in Filipino please press 2
If you want instructions in Beckimon please press 3
[After choosing your preferred language the instructions will be given in the said language but I will write this piece in English, okay? 😉 ]
Please be informed that delivery services are not available through this hotline.
To locate a particular gay bar please press 1
For general tutorials about gay bars please press 2
To make reservations with a particular gay bar please press 3.
If you want to speak with a customer service representative, please press 0.
[Assuming the caller pressed 1 to locate a particular gay bar]
To locate a gay bar by location please press 1
(subsequent instructions will state a city or municipality. For example: to locate a gay bar in Quezon City please press 1. If the caller presses 1 the next instruction will be: to locate a gay bar in Cubao please press 1. To locate a gay bar in the Timog are please press 2. Next instruction will list the names of the bars in the said city alphabetically).
To locate a gay bar by it’s name please press 2
(subsequent instructions will go something like this: to locate a gay bar with a name starting from A to C please press 1. If the caller presses 1 the next instruction will be: To learn more about Club Axxxxxxx pls press 1. If the caller presses 1 again: Club Axxxxxxx is located in (state adress and landmarks). It is open from 10:00 p.m. onwards daily. Club Axxxxxxx has no entrance fee. There are usually 30 male models aged 18 to 30 in attendance each night. Macho drinks are available at ______ pesos a piece. Regular drinks for guests are priced between ______ pesos to _____ pesos a piece. To learn more about Club Axxxxxxx please call the landline number _________ or send an SMS to ____________.
The sample piece I wrote about Club Axxxxxxxx is also the same recording the caller will hear had he/she used the option to locate a club by location. The information about each club is provided by the clubs themselves and can be updated as often as necessary at their expense. In no case will the information provided exceed one hundred fifty words.
Assuming the caller pressed 2 for general tutorials about gay bars:
To obtain the links to websites where you can gather information about gay bars please press 1.
(if the caller presses 1, the recording will categorize links into official web sites, blogs, articles, social networking sites and news clippings)
To ask a particular question about gay bars and gay bar culture, please press 2.
(if the caller presses 2, he or she will be connected to a trained customer service representative or CSR who will assist him or her)
Assuming the caller pressed 3 to make reservations with a particular gay bar:
The caller will be transferred to CSR who will ask what gay bar the caller is calling for, what exact date, time, how many persons and which particular MDs he or she intends to reserve as tablemate and for what estimated amount of time. The caller can also reserve a particular MD to be bar fined at a certain date and time. The CSR will calendar the reservations, verify if the same is possible and confirm the arrangement once determined to be feasible.
The caller can opt to pay the reservation fee via G-Cash, Smart Padala or bank deposit within 24-hours from reservation. No need to divulge real names. The caller can use any name he or she pleases when making a reservation. A specific password will be assigned by the hotline to the caller. The said caller only needs to state that password when claiming his or her reservation in the gay bar.
All reservations should be made at least 24 hours in advance. If the reservation is being made less than 24 hours before the evening intended, the reservation fee shall be more expensive and payment should be made within two hours after the conversation with the CSR. In no case can reservations for a particular MD be made after 5 p.m. of the date reservation is being sought.
If no reservation fee is paid within the time given, the reservation is deemed cancelled. Reservation fee can only be refunded in cases when the reserved MD is not present during the relevant night.
If the caller pressed 0 to speak with a customer service representative:
The caller will be connected to a CSR. The caller can raise her complaints and other concerns about a particular gay bar.
As with any call center, all calls shall be recorded. Real names and working mobile numbers or landline numbers shall be provided by the caller if he or she is making a complaint that the federation of gay bars shall act upon.
Oh, and the president is still G.B. Goer. 😉